Conflict and a Confession

What is a peacemaker? How do you peace with someone when you don’t know why there’s not peace?


I’ve been met with this dilemma for a while and inwardly been torn over how this is to be resolved. I’m not sure why this has happened. There was a conflict but I thought it was resolved and never thought that months later there would still be a rift or at least a perceived rift. I hate the idea of conflict and I hate the resolution process, but usually try to take it head on in order to work through it so as not to prolong it. This time I’ve felt that I was not in a position to confront it, but nevertheless have tried to work at every almost every encounter to be peaceful. I was feeling okay (not great) with how things were going until recently. Last weekend at church our Sunday School lesson was from Philippians 4. Now I usually don’t pay a whole lot of attention to the final salutations in letters and when it was first read in class I didn’t listen with intent. However the one part of salutations was all we were going to focus on, so I was forced to hear what it said. “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with ...whose names are in the book of life.” So whoever Euodia and Syntyche were, they had such a conflict that they are being called out in front of the whole church at Philippi to resolve their conflict and others are being asked to step in. We discussed that it seems pride usually stands in our way from resolving conflict that goes on and so have felt compelled to examine myself in order to see if pride is getting in my way.
 
Now here’s where I will confess, I have recently started watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey (New York and Orange County). I have become very uncomfortable with New Jersey and am not watching it as dedicatedly as I would because of the rift between two family members and how nasty it has become. The season opener was just horrible. They were at a christening and a huge incident broke out stemming from the relationship between one of the housewives and her brother. I have watched one of the other episodes and it seems that pride is definitely getting in their way as neither one wants to really examine the cause and solely focuses on the other person. Now back to my reality, my situation is far from what is happening on this TV show and it is just a TV show, but it has caused me to really examine myself in my situation and I just want peace. And I mean restorative peace; the type of peace where everything is in harmony as God would have for his children. I’m not sure where to go from here. So do I continue to try and let time heal the rift? Or do I confront it? Or something else? Chad and I have discussed this at length and are not in agreement or at peace as to what should be done, so is the result: to do nothing? It seems almost silly at this point, but I’m really not sure where to go with it all. I guess the answer is to just continually seek God (because I certainly don’t want “reality TV” and TV ratings to assist me in resolving conflict). So until we feel compelled to action then stand still. I’m not really happy with that conclusion because I want it all to be over with, but even more I don’t want to run from the problem.

Potty Training

My plan, because I always have a plan, was to give Steven exposure to potty training during our beach trip with the family specifically my nephew Ace.  Then the following week take a full week not going anywhere to go.  Well, my plan didn’t work out as planned, but not surprisingly!

This is how it started in sepia (see-pee-a).  This was actually controversial on my sister’s facebook, was reported, and removed! Steven and Ace truly became buddies and Steven began to think peeing in the bushes was cool.  According to John Rosemond you should just tell them that such is what they will do now, so I tried that with the peeing.  Everytime he peed in the bushes I’d tell him that he’d be peeing in the potty when we got home.  He’d so Okay, but I never thought it would go that smoothly!

It sort of did.  After a week he still hasn’t done #2 in the potty, but at least he’s not holding it in for days at a time :).  He tends to only have accidents when it’s time to do#2 as well, so on days he doesn’t go #2 then he has no accidents!!!  WOohooo!!!  Here’s some highlights from our journey this past week and just a few other cute ones :)

He loves to flush the toilet as long as it’s not a public one!

He’s just too cute in those little “big boy underwears”

The storms last week created quite a mess, so Steven had to have gloves like mommy to help with the yard work.

Everything is about shooting these days….Shooting the pool

WATCH OUT!!!…..A purse for a taser

My concession to Chad a few years ago was that since I was not willing to carry a gun I would carry a taser.  The problem is it’s not easily concealed even in a purse. Once I made a slot in one of my purses, but it really wasn’t what I wanted.  I ended up not carrying it much at all. Recently I decided it would probably be good to carry it again and I want to not carry a diaper bag since we’re potty training (another post on that real soon).  My solution was:

Sketching and fabric

Inside pouches include: on the top right hand is a pouch with several individual mini slots for pens, keys, sunglasses, blackberry, and one for snacks for Steven. On the bottom right is a pouch that will fit a diaper changing pad or changes of clothes for Steven, etc.  On the top left is a slot with a magnetic clasp for my wallet. On the bottom far left is the slot for my taser. It also has a magnetic snap. The other slot which overlaps’ stitching creates a place for the taser “barrel.” The overlapping slot was designed to have first aid supplies in it.  Eventually the center portion will have a camera portion like seen here.

Here’s the finished product, which I wasn’t satisfied with, so I added these handmade rosettes. I only added the pearls to a few because I liked the effect.

So here’s the final, final product and besides being extremely heavy with everything in it it’s great!  It does cut down on having to have two bags, so it is perfect.  Better watch out and not piss me off or you might get tased!

Not so connected

I’m not sure what it is about me; maybe I sabotage myself in the arena of feeling connected, but I definitely have a chronic feeling of not feeling connected.  It’s one reason I sit on Facebook so much but then hate that because I feel it is a false sense of connectedness.  I can know about people, they can know about me, but have absolutely no idea who I really am or what is really going on in life.  On Facebook you can choose what you reveal and not reveal about yourself.  The other thing about Facebook I don’t like and almost detest is seeing how others seem more connected with each other than I feel with those same people almost to the point of feeling rejected by them.  In moments of weakness I’ve almost deleted people just because of this apparent feeling.   
I think this feeling is exacerbated in life because we live away from the friends that we’d like to be closer to. But I’m all about not waiting for the perfect opportunity to make it work, because situations in life are not the solutions; it’s what you make of your life. 

I also don’t necessarily always feel as connected to my husband as in the past.  Our marriage is good, it’s just not as easy to be focused on one another as it was before Steven was here. Surprise, surprise!! I’ve heard so many great things about John Rosemond from a variety of people, so we started reading a couple of his books.  It’s totally changed my life.  Maybe I was just looking for the opportunity to give me a bit more freedom, but I read in his book what is giving me freedom and I see a change in Steven that is wonderful.  He’s been a wonderful son, almost perfect.  A few months ago his thumb sucking started including a finger up his nose and whenever I’d try to get him to stop and he’d take a finger from both hands and stick them up each nostril.  I figured I’d just let it go, but occasionally would try to get him to stop.  Well, I’m not sure what and I’m not giving John Rosemond’s teachings full credit but it all happened at the right time and now when I ask him to take his finger out of his nose he does!  Small, I know, but it’s an example of how his obstinance is diminishing.  One of the core of his teachings is to bring the marriage into the center of the familial relationship. I’ve been feeling bad for taking time to myself and this was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m not waiting until Steven goes to bed to get things done.  I’m trying to make sure he gets adequate time, but not too much time or demanding to much attention.  It’s also giving me the freedom to do some stuff for myself and then when Chad is home to be more focused on us.  I’m really happy with this change. 

I’ve also been thinking that is it really important to be connected to lots of people while raising a family.  I do think friendships are vital, but while working, raising a family, and trying to maintain marriage as a priority it seems to be the quantity of relationships outside family needs to be put on a back burner.  Your priorities definitely shift once you have kids and I fought some of the shifts, but I’m at the point where maybe it will be the best thing to embrace them. However I’m not really feeling that my life is what all I want it to be.  I know life is what you make of it, but something is missing and I’m not really sure what it is.  I think this is where the disconnected feeling comes from because I’m searching so much for something. I’m just not really certain what it is.  I’m wanting to feel connected, but not sure what it will be to. 

The extension of God's grace

I really don't like to talk politics publicly.  I have weird viewpoints that don't always mesh together.  You know, being married to a law enforcement officer it sometimes skews your perspective on things.  But I thought I'd share these thoughts and hope that I don't offend anyone in the process.  I really like listening to Neal Boortz.  Not necessarily because I agree with everything he says, but rather I recognize he talks in the extremes and it challenges my thinking, so maybe if you don't agree with my thoughts you'll at least think.

Sunday night at first I was annoyed when I saw the interruption of regular programming for a special announcement.  I figured it was something about a birth certificate or certificate of live birth or whatever that whole squabble is about. :)  When I heard the announcement a huge sense of relief and peace came over me.  Now I don't glory in death, but I found a sense of satisfaction that this happened.  I believe that he caused so many deaths in his life that for him to die was justice.  He also "resisted" and this would warrant the same outcome had it been with local law enforcement in the US even if it was in response to a lesser crime.

I've seen that some Christians are having e a hard time with the rejoicing over a killing.  I'm not sure that I feel rejoicing is in order, but I wasn't directly affected by any of his crimes either.  Him being killed in this manner rather than going through a trial and capital punishment only lessened the potential risk on the rest of the world during what would have been his trial.  Would he have had the chance to repentant and follow Christ during that process? I don't know. I've pondered before the idea that God could extend his grace to anyone and everyone he chooses.  Now I'm not coming from a pluralistic standpoint, but I wonder at times if the isolated woman who was devout to what she knows, has only known and only belief that she has been given the opportunity to know would end up in heaven.  My mind can't wrap around the thought that God could not extend his Grace to those people.  I don't really like speculating about it much but he is a powerful God and can do whatever. So through this line of thinking he could choose to save Osama Bin Laden if he so chooses.  In some ways I don't like that thought, but he is one of God's creations, right?  That's such a peculiar thought.  It doesn't change that I'm glad he's gone.  I think he didn't think of others.  I heard a police officer who was involved in rescues on 9/11 speaking of how arrogant Bin Laden was and only thought of himself, so I'm not sure any amount of time would have him humbled enough to bring him to a relationship with Christ, but again God is all powerful and can do whatever he chooses.  But then I thought of the fact that some people that he killed were sent to hell that day on 9/11. Could/would/should/did God extend his grace to those victims? Or what about those killed in the recent tsunami's, tornados, casualties of crime? There's so much pain in this world but it pains me more to see that some people experience even more pain when they leave this world. 
I'm not celebrating he's gone, but I sure am glad he is.

The new dog

I've struggled and still feel the loss of our Stout. The feeling of guilt has been perpetuated because I had already been thinking of getting another dog for Steven's birthday, but didn't want to have three dogs.  Well, the feeling has been intensified because we did get another dog just a week after we lost Stout.  We feel like he kinda crashed in.

On March 18, Chad received a call to a scene where a car had crashed into a fence.  That afternoon he had to go back to the fence owner's residence so that he could talk about the damaged fence.  While there he saw several dogs and one looked exactly like Stout.  Somehow the conversation then led to Stout.  The man then said that one of the dogs was a foster dog for the humane society.  So then I got a call from Chad about the dog....well, I just couldn't say no. 

We "tried" him out for the weekend and were set.

Gustav, who had not been eating well, quickly perked up and the first night the new dog was home we didn't even really get a chance to play with him for Gustav playing so hard with him.

He's a black lab, possibly mixed with something but we're not sure what.  We name the new dog, Crash and he has quickly become part of the family.  These days if you ask Steven about Stout, or if you're me and say Stout instead of one of the other dog's name, he quickly will tell you Stout's at Jesus.  I kind of like that he say sat instead of with because I do hope that when we go to heaven we are at Jesus' feet basking in his glory. 

Control Freak

So I may not be a full blown control freak, but I plan and attempt to control a lot.  Mostly by planning things out.  Tonight I was talking with a friend about what they did in planning or not planning for having children.  She said they didn't really plan or not plan just allowed things to happen.  I'm envious of that ability for lack of control; even if it does have it's downside.  I try to follow God's leading, but know that I'm a Type A personality and just tend to step in and do whenever/wherever I see a need.  This all has started with the obvious contemplation of when we'll have another child.  I say I try follow God's leading, but I tend to over think things.  I've heard of people planning to the point of being off for certain times at work they'd never get otherwise, when's the most convenient or workable time for their family and I've considered these types of things.(you can even start to hear me become a little frantic in my thinking at this point) I even thought that maybe a certain time would be the greatest for us, but then I think would I be disappointed if it didn't work out in the exact timing I had planned or maybe it would be more difficult getting pregnant than anticipated and would that really mess up my schedule. And in all the planning and thinking I STOP and realize I'm thinking/planning a whole lot of me, mine, I  and forgetting that I'm supposed to be following God's lead. 

And this is just me planning our next child. Can you imagine what everyday life is like?  I'm kinda tired of it. There is a part of my life that I'm free.  I try to be flexible and fun in parenting Steven. I think it would help to be more free spirited in our marriage.  We plan so much that sometimes we forget to live.  We're working on doing more fun things as a family. 

I just can't seem to get over the need to control and think I'm doing well and maybe that's when I start taking things into my own hands again.  I do think that a lot of times it's not a matter of not trusting God, because I know that he will work things out in his timing in his way. But I do think that we're entrusted with a life that we should life for Christ and maybe that's why controlling to make sure we live it in the way that is pleasing to him.  But at what point do we rest in knowing that we're doing what is pleasing to God and stop over thinking every step of life.