Steven making pizza

The other night I decided to let Steven help me make pizza.  He thoroughly enjoyed himself.

getting a little taste

kneeding the dough

another taste

Learning the art of rolling the dough

eating and spreading the cheese

all done!!!

The next few pictures have nothing to do with pizza

 

Steven and I had the privilege to attend a surprise party for Laura, on of my friend's since preschool.  It doubled as a baby shower because little William will be born in less than a month.  The cupcakes were topped  with pacifiers and Steven has been obssessed with kisses and pacis these days. 

Chad was getting ready to go to the range and Steven wanted to wear the hat too!

He decided to climb out of his bed and nap this way the other day.  We didn't get a picture, but a few days later he slept standing up bent over on the ottoman in his bedroom!

We're enjoying life together these days very much.

Peace in my heart

This post is about opening my life a little bit more to those who read this blog.  I'm at a point where I can be more transparent about the past year and I'll link different parts with past posts that will show more in depth where I was at different points. 

When Steven was born life was supposed to be a certain way, however it didn't work out that way. Suprise, suprise! When does it ever work out as we see it?!  For the first year my work situation was not ideal to what we thought it would be.  However in April just after he turned one, we decided that things needed to change and a few things helped me see that.  The first was the children's minister at our church resigned.  I told Chad and he immediately said, are you going to apply?  Then one of my sister's asked me if I was going to.  I said absolutely not to both of them, but then I felt God tuggin' on "my heart."  I had never thought I would ever leave my current job, but then my schedule wasn't what I had thought it would be after Steven was born.  I wrestled quite a bit with this...was God actually wanting me to have this job or was he just wanting me to show I trusted him by applying.  I fought it for a few days, maybe a week.  Through talking with a few people and praying, I starting have more clarity. We went away on vacation and at the end I felt like at minimum God was wanting me to apply to think outside the box and be open for change.  I blogged here about the first response, going part time at work. I went part time because there were ideas of maybe there being a full time and part time children's minister and then I could work part time at the office and part time at the church.  I felt peace for the first time in a while...God was changing my heart and mind of what I had thought I should/would be doing.

By the time I interviewed, I was convinced that I needed to work fulltime in ministry and that being the new children's minister was what God wanted.  Then, I found out I didn't get the job.  I was devastated.  At some point during my almost sleepless night, I felt as though God spoke "intern" in my head.  I could work at the church as an intern when the current intern was finished and still be involved in a ministry I felt called to.  Peace came at that point.

Now I didn't feel at peace completely during the next several months.  It was a roller coaster of emotions.  At times I couldn't see why I went through the process feeling as though I was following God's leading, but then the door was shut.  The benefits though of being at home more with Steven, being able to think and breathe was wonderful and focusing on our family when the world is against family was worth it....so at times I had peace, but at times I was still sad with the way things were. 

Through this time the new children's minister had started and I liked her.  At one point I spoke with her about the possibility of interning and she was all for it.  When I was in a good place in my head I was content that I was in a place I could follow my calling even if I wasn't being paid for it. There were still times when I just felt and still feel pulled in many directions.  I remember my therapist telling me to just allow myself to be where I was and it would get better.  I tried to and trusted God throughout this time even when I wasn't always happy about it.  The fact that I liked the new children's minister was also hard and wonderful at times.  I sort of wanted to not like her so that I could be mad about not getting the job.  Then in September I started working as her intern...what a dynamic I was working for the person who got the job that I wanted and we have become friends.  Bottom line I was trying to do the best thing, follow where my calling was.

Throughout the fall and new year, peace has overcome me about direction.  I know a lot of times we don't see God's purpose in directing us in different situations.  But I do feel as though I see part of God's purpose.  By me not working a full work week, I feel as though I'm able to manage life a little bit better as well as serving in a greater ministry than just to my family.

I don't know where this is all leading, but I do know that I'm enjoying the journey and am looking forward to seeing where this journey takes me.  Trusting God through this has been fruitful for me and our family. And I have peace in my heart that God's plan is a great one for me and my family; he knows what's in store is greater than I could ever imagine and we're trying to follow him day be day.

Faith of our Fathers

Last week I had an opportunity to attend the Next Level Leadership Conference at Savannah Christian Church as part of my role as children's ministry intern at Southwest.  It was great. It was a lot of fun; especially playing cards on Thursday night.  =)  At conferences like this you can get overwhelmed with lots of ideas, but at maybe the first session they said find one thing you can implement now and one in the next year or something like that.  Well, something that's been tugging at my heart was one session that I didn't anticipate being that great.  It was entitled Family Ministry Q and A. But it turned out to be a presentation on what they do as in family ministries and then had brief Q and A at the end.  I'm not a huge fan of throwing out statistics, but two stuck out to me like a sore thumb and they answered some questions.  The first was that parents have 2-3 times more impact on their children's faith and religious decisions than church leaders. The second was something like 80% of young adults who have grown up in the church are leaving the church after high school. So something's not reaching and instilling in our children a strong Christian faith.

This made me think of my family.  At times I could be critical of things about the way things were done or this or that, but one thing that has always puzzled me in a way is that so far none of the seven children have rebelled, fought against God, etc. This isn't to say that none of us have questioned God or his existence or that we've always been at the church every time the doors opened, but just that we haven't had a period of time where we walked away.  There's also this factor that almost all of us have a desire to be or are in full time ministry. So why haven't any of the seven fallen into that 80% range?  During this breakout session he spoke of how they were training parents to take their faith home with them; to do activities like devotions, or movie nights, or other such things that would promote displaying the faith of the parents at home.  Then it hit me.  That might be the answer to why we haven't rebelled.  At 6:30 almost every morning we were drug out of bed (we were homeschooled so technically didn't have to be up that early) for family devotions.  Most of the time my dad read out of a devotion book like Keys for Kids; nothing spectacular and I have to admit that I may not have even listened, but it was there.  Every Advent season we had an advent wreath, devotions and during that season had to sing at 6:30 in the morning after blowing out candles. Every Christmas day we had a birthday party for Jesus. We were homeschooled, so we learned about God, people in history of strong faith, etc.  We were at church "every time the doors were open."  I'm not saying that this was the magical formula to ensure that your children don't rebel, but I wonder if it didnt' have something to do with why our family is what it is...that it may not always be the most dynamic thing, or the thing we enjoyed, or a huge event...maybe it's the heart of it all...instilling in our children the faith of their fathers....

HELP!!

I don't like asking for it. 

I had Steven almost two years ago and have been thinking about it.  The only help I asked for was for a friend to be in the labor and delivery with me and for my mom to help me on a trip to Florida to do childcare for Campus Crusade 4 weeks after his birth.  I really could've used a lot of help.  I even had a friend living with us for a few months and didn't ask her for help.

I'd rather make four trips to the car than ask one person to help me.

I don't usually even ask Chad for help; although I'm asking more of him some.

A few months ago, Chad accidentally took my keys to work with him and the admin asst was out sick.  I had to ask my boss for a ride to work; then figure out a way to pick him up, and get a ride home.  The total count for requests for help that day were 4. The next day I had a flat tire as I was arriving at the church.  I tried to find someone to come and change it, but had to result to asking one of our ministers.  I knew he would say yes, but didn't want to ask him because I sense he is the go-to guy for everyone who needs help.  I just felt there were larger kingdom matters to deal with.  ;)  And of course it wasn't straightforward and took longer than it needed to.  As I was feeling horrible and trying to figure the least inconvenient way to use his help, he said it's okay you need help and I can help you.  Of course that's the obvious, but it hit me like a ton of bricks; my problem is that I can't ask or receive assistance. Even to following someone who knows how to get somewhere when we're both leaving from the same location at the same time. 

I don't ever want people to think I'm taking advantage of them and I think that's my problem. 

But on the contrary, I love to help people.  I would help others all day every day if I could.  and I really don't expect anything in return.  I'm not really sure why I have something against asking for help, but it's there and I'm going to try and work on asking for it when I really need it. 

I have gotten better at asking my mom to keep Steven, but I really see that as her opportunity to enjoy his sweetness..haha! But I've still asked. 

So don't be completely shocked if you hear me ask you for help one of these days....