For several months now I've felt God giving me a certain vision; one I wasn't sure was possible for me to pursue, but things kept being orchestrated in that direction, so I followed. I leaped. I started down different paths only to run into a wall; with the door closed behind me. I feel like I'm locked in a closet. I'm not really sure how to get out or where the "secret door" is, but I know there has to be one because God wouldn't lead me into destruction.
It's interesting to me how someone can feel they see God's will for a situation one way and another sees it the complete opposite. Which is God's will? Is one God's will and the other's not? When following God's will hinges on other's decisions how do you know? If others feel a certain call is God's will for your life and you don't see it, how do you know? It's so ambiguous, God's will; so subjective in many ways. I'm not talking about morality or whether or not Jesus is the way, just which path or direction God has for you. It's interesting to say the least, this journey of deciphering God's will. I really wish it was easier, but the hardship is part of the process as well.
So, I'm back to the drawing board of God's vision for my life (and our family's life)..just waiting...just wondering...just being...
That's so hard. It's times like this that I try to remind myself why it's so important to have faith. Believing but not seeing and knowing that he is never going to let you fall.
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