30 Hours of Leisure

I was watching Dr. Phil (yes,  I know it's Dr. Phil) and the episode was on Dr. Robinson's study about how women have on average 30 hours of leisure each week. Now I don't quantify all the things that Dr. Robinson quantifies as leisure as true leisure. So maybe his leisure isn't my leisure, or maybe it is how I fill my time. I chose to have a son and still continue working. I choose to watch tv at night; stay on the computer for hours on end. I choose the priorities that I want to have and fulfill.  Although sometimes I choose to let the busyness of life creep in. However I think the thing that is my biggest hang up of all is that I let others' standards dictate what my priorities should be.  This has been my biggest struggle for a long time and I had really worked on overcoming it most of the time, but then I had Steven.  I sense this "competitive" side of me coming out whether he is gaining enough weight, sitting up early enough, saying words soon enough, cute enough; not if he is doing them, but is it early enough to beat the average and make him better than others. All of these things I have absolutely no control over. There was a time in the past year that I felt inadequate as a mother because he hadn't cut any teeth yet; now I really have all the control over that.

I ended up in an emergency session with my counselor last week because I just couldn't do it all.  I was frustrated because I could not get everything done and other people were not meeting my expectations in life.  Then I walked in the office and just simply sitting in her office made me think this is crazy there are people with serious issues and then she brought it all to light in that I need to lower the expectations for myself. I can do what I can do at work and that is all.  I have been working with this wonderful lady since July on allowing the unimportant things go while cherishing the moments with Steven, Chad and the dogs. So my house hasn't really been clean, but in the past month more than the previous months.  I haven't done as much with friends, but they seem to come and go beyond my control anyways. But what I have tried to do is spend time with my top priorities. It's such a struggle to look remember my true priorities and not let others dictate them, but Chad and I have had game nights and of course I've spent time with Steven.  I'm learning to put down the computer, turn off the tv, let the kitchen and house go, give up church on Wednesday nights and sometimes Bible study on Tuesday nights and enjoy this time because I won't ever have it back. 

So my leisure time may be spent playing with Steven, talking with Chad and letting the dishes build up in the sink, but I'll get to them eventually or maybe Chad will. I really probably have more than 30 hours of leisure each week, but maybe I should keep a time diary and found out. I'm just choosing to fill them with Steven and some with Chad, because it is my life to spend at my leisure.