Today

Today as the church service started I had a worried feeling, which does not always mean that something bad has happened or is about to happen; usually it just means I am being a worrywart. However today that did not prove to be the case. Around 11:20 Chad called and left me a message of a fatal accident on I-285 that he was the first responder to the call. As I sat there listening to the sermon on dying to self and being a living sacrifice, I could not help but think there were those that had lost their lives and of their loved ones maybe not even knowing yet that they had lost them. I had a flood of thoughts, the first of course is for my beloved Chad and how horrible it would be to witness the aftermath. Then there is the eternal status of those lost. I am sure there is some statistic of how there is a death so many seconds of every day, but not so close; this accident happened less than a mile from the church where we sat worshipping God as one, maybe two people lost their lives and it was not due to their own recklessness. Why is there death? As we had discussed in Sunday School death entered because of sin and the shedding of blood in the O.T. was the currency for which sins were forgiven, thus Jesus being the ultimate shedding of blood, but why couldn’t that have been the end of death?!?!
I stayed around East Point after church waiting for a possible chance to see Chad. I just needed to see him, which is my typical response after something traumatic; whether to me or to him. A little after one o’clock I started home, still no word from Chad, but feeling vulnerable. The rain started pouring so hard I could barely see, so I turned around and headed back to the LEC. I opened up my Bible study and started reading. The topic, how certain is our faith? This brought back the feelings, which are somewhat still raw from two weeks ago in Sunday school where we discussed this. I seemed to be going in a different way from where the Bible study was headed as it was on Psalm 125; the psalmist speaks of his faith is so certain, as strong as Mount Zion, but all I could think of was how unrealistic this was as the study did not yet address the downward spiral that when something happens we may question our faith. Or our faith may wane when we don’t need God as much. Why do we do this? Is it because of a rebellion against God? But I feel after I have questioned so much, when I finally feel more certain, it is a stronger sense than before. Maybe I could even say that through the questioning and unbelief that my faith grows stronger. So do we need the questioning times to grow stronger?
My thoughts are rambling I know, but that is how they are coming to me. I have been reading Jesus for President and Claihorne, the author, questions our sincerity as Christians by how so many Christians view the world and the “hot issues” by which they vote. Abortion is one of those, but we fail so many by not providing the love and support and compassion to those around us. And is that not what Christ did during his time on earth? Are we not Christians, Christ Like, thus we should act like him; accepting those who are not “acceptable”; loving those that are “unloveable”; reaching out to those hurting; and touching those who are reaching out to be touched. So, I have the knowledge that one, maybe two people died today not far from my church, what am I going to do with that? Pray?, well that could be one “easy” way to respond, but did Christ not call us to go beyond?!?! I don’t know what the proper response would be as a Christian, but I am searching.